you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
