there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
