i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
