im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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