I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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