thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
