is your mom at the bar?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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