just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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