if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
