Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
