Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
