did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
