I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
