I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
