I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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