fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
