i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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