Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
