if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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