What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
