I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
