my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
