I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
