i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
