i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
