Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
