this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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