My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
