Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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