I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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