If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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