Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
