Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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