I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
