So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
