no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
