So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
