420 ftw
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
