so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
