Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
