my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
