And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
