Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
