He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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