i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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