I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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