I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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