he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
