its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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