Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
