Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
