1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
