Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
